I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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