A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
