i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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