my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
