CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
