Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
