I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
