If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
