i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
