I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
