meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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