Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
