so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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