you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
