Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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