I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
