Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
