i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
