she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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