I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
