I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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