We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
