MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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