P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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