would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
