you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
