i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
did i just pee glitter
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
