Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
