I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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