What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
