Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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