Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
