Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
