I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
