Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
