We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
