I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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