I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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