Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
