So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
