you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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