I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
