The maid of honor just puked.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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