Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
