glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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