I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
