My first STD was from a foam party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
