how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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