drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
