Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my being single is dangerous.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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