so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
