none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
