i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
