were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
